though underprepared

beautif’ly cares

for the heart that is there

poetry shared

for life in it’s care

for hearts that are there

for hearts to repair

the love that is there

was once unaware

once unaware

till words of spacious care

once unaware

once unaware

once unaware

to be met

once

and again

and again

and again and again

no sight to it’s end

till then

to see where he stands

out of sight

from where he began

One minute

One moment

One hour

Reminded of a love that gives beyond it’s power

Reminded of the simplicity of goodness, the difficulty of relinquishing pride, and the stark difference of relenting to humility.

The simplicity of love

Sacrificing selfishness

And taking the opportunity to bless

One moment to give.. the next to accept

One day

One minute

One moment

One hour

From left to right, Nate Vaughan letting his hair down, drummer Mike Lindsay, and Bassist Brian Song

Nate and I became better friends this summer and soon thereafter talked about making a recording.  Nate had been working on Anna Su’s album http://annasumusic.com/track/over-ourselves at the time and, after hearing their work, I immediately agreed to move forward.

This fall, we spent two months planning out the project in detail and spent November and December recording blueprint tracks.  We were then able to begin the actual recording process last week when we tracked drums and bass.

The album will consist of nine songs that I wrote between 2006-2010.  I’m excited about this next step and really grateful for all of the support I’ve been given to this point.  Nate V. has done an amazing job in bringing this to reality and I am really really grateful for him. Not to mention the guys and girl who have already helped me begin recording and only been paid in pizza thus far.

Nate, Brian (enjoying a slice of his pay), and Nate

We are raising funds in the form of donations. Will you consider helping us make this project happen?  If you are interested in contributing you can follow this link: http://natemilleralbum.blogspot.com/ Its pretty simple to use and a contribution of any amount will earn you a free CD and a lifetime of thanks from me.

Here are two of my original demo versions of songs that will be on the album.

“Will You Lie Down”

“Sitting in the Window”

The other seven will have to remain mysteriously unknown unless you e-mail me personally.. I might be willing to tell you more. But you can check out all of my songs here:       http://freerefills.wordpress.com/words/ .  All of the songs that will be on the album, except for one, can be found on this site.

Meredith, Brian, and Nate V.

Nate and Mike

Nate

“To Be Known”

If I die you can have all my stuff.  In all my pride, I couldn’t give it up.

I’ve been thinkin about that day when I’ll be gone.  What if I never said all I’d wanted?

I’ve been thinkin about this time and all I’ve been ashamed of.  My mistakes and all my cries that I can’t seem to let go of.

To be known.  To be known.  Look inside.  Let it go.

To be home.  To be home.  Take it as it comes.  Let it go.

Before I die, all I have is yours.

All my life is found in yours.

Love to Change

My heart is beating out.  In line for change.  And waiting for you.  There’s love in every sound.  In love to change.  And beating for you.  And hiding all you say in every word.  I love to follow.  In every little love.  In every game.  Its beating for you.  My heart has laid it all.  And wants to play.  And beating for you.  Its writing every song in words you know.  And beating for you.  And let it all breathe out.  Every change.  To stay with you forever.  We now have everything.  Everything.  I’m breathing for you.

Here’s the result:     Awake, Arise, Lift Up Your Voice (click on title to hear)

(words by Christopher Smart 1722-1771)

Awake, arise, lift up your voice,
let Easter music swell;
rejoice in Christ, again rejoice
and on his praises dwell.

Oh, with what gladness and surprise
the saints their Savior greet;
nor will they trust their ears and eyes
but by his hands and feet,

those hands of liberal love indeed
in infinite degree,
those feet still free to move and bleed
for millions and for me.

His enemies had sealed the stone
as Pilate gave them leave,
lest dead and friendless and alone
he should their skill deceive.

O Dead arise! O Friendless stand
by seraphim adored!
O Solitude again command
your host from heaven restored!

In the spring of this year, I was in a job that I loathed.  But even worse, in my soul, I was in a state of anger.  It wasn’t incessant.  But it was bad.

I thank God for the friends that helped to awaken me to the fact that it was alright to say.. “this is not right” and “something needs to be done.”  Isn’t it amazing how we can put our anger on the back burner?  How we can ignore it because there are responsibilities that are more important and require our attention more than what makes us pissy?  How true this is of so many things in our lives.  

I thank God for the friends that helped to push me towards peace, love, and healing.  And, indeed, that is what has been happening these past six months.  I went to Argentina and spent time with family and friends.  Playing, eating healthy (-er than I was previously — I have a terrible diet), taking naps, walks, watching The Office, etc.  I felt the push from God to explore the questions: “what am I here for?  what am i here on this earth to do?  what did you make me for?  what are my gifts and how do you want me to use them?  how do you want me to be?”  

After Argentina, I was given an opportunity to live with my friend Jason everydayj.com in Austin, Texas.  I slept in his recording studio where I had countless hours to experiment with recording and songwriting and do all of the other aforementioned things.  I remember being at an outdoor coffee bar during one of my first weeks there, looking around, seeing artsy people everywhere–not people in suits–which gave me a tangible vision of how I seemed to fit more there.  I remember first telling people my story in Austin and expecting them to look at me like I was some kind of fool.. “you quit your job and are doing what exactly?  You don’t even know what you’re doing?”  Instead, they reacted with genuine excitement when they heard me say “I quit my job in June and I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life, how I want to be as a person, and am experimenting with songwriting/recording.”  I went to Austin saying that I would be experimenting with songwriting.  Through people’s reactions and through realizing that I loved the process of writing and recording so much that I didn’t care what people thought, I left Austin with the confidence to remove the word “experimenting” from my previous introduction.  

So after three great months in Texas, I left for the full Oregon air to be withmy buddy Jon-Paul who’s also at a crossroads.  We’ve been facing more logistical challenges in our time here.  But its amazing to see, through the joys and frustrations, how we grow as friends.  And I really believe that we can grow or wither in all of our circumstances.  I pray that I might be one who helps my friends and even strangers to grow.  I’m not naive to think that everyone will do that for me.  But I also know that it is essential to immerse myself in friendships with those who want to see me grow.   

I thank God for these past six months.  For the friends and their gifts of love and grace and sacrifice.  For the experiences.  And for the freedom to have built up a little bit of savings that would allow me this time to slow down and begin to concentrate on what is important.

What are you thinking?

Please offer up any comments or opinions you have of my music or any of the stuff I say.. even if you disagree or have a question.  I’m always up for a good conversation.  

Thanks for listening!

Oh November, I didn’t want you to arrive.  The cold air settles.  And the darkened evening skies.

And I’m alone and the sun has left my sight.  In the bitter cold, I walk angry through the night.

Fall is meant for falling to the ground.  But all we’re meant for through death only is found.  

In desperation, in the death of our sin we find that we are given a brand new holy life.  

Oh November, I didn’t want you to arrive.  The cold air settled.  And it went and changed my life.